So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
