I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
