ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
