How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
