If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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