somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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