so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
