Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
