Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
