I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
