She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
