If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
