We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
