so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
