everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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