Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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