My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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