I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
