His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
