And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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