my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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