dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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