Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drunk is a universal language darling
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
