I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
