This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
