walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
