I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
