that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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