I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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