He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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