So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
