My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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