you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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