just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize