i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
