Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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