sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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