I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
