can u get pink eye on your cock?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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