So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
