how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
