Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
