I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
