well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
