i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
