Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize