just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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