my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
