We won't sleep together?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
