it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
