so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
