He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
