Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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