Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
