i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
