I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
