i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
