omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
