I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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