I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
