I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
