Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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