ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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