direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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