no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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