it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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