hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
