marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
