I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
