your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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