turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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