Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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