Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
as a side note pls kill me
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