just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
