And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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