Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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