somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
