I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize