no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
