pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
