I'm eating all of the evidence.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
