I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My Higher Power is John Stamos
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize