The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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