Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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