I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
