i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
