Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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