I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
