Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
