need another drink. this is the easiest way
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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