Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
