You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
