Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
