people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this boner is exhausting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
