Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
